my bio prof: which parasite caused the potato famine?
the tiny desperate tired voice in my head: don’t say the english, it’s correct, but don’t say it
This is a common misconception! As the English usually kill their host, we’re actually parasitoids not true parasites!
now this is a correction i’ll stand for
i have this unnerving fear that i’m gonna meet keanu reeves in some tight elevator and his eyes are going to burn into my soul as he tells me the secrets of this universe then bites me on the neck to give me immortality so he’s not alone anymore
Keanu if you’re listening I’m not a little bitch like OP come get a taste
Keanu Reeves can get it with me 100/10 and I’m ready to spend forever by his side
Have fun in the war dumbass I’ll be at home fucking military wives
Damn. Good way to get your fucking windows kicked in
shut the fuck up and raise my son bootlicker
All fun and games until someone with 3 confirmed kills shows up at your doorstep with a baseball bat
im not at my house tho, im at yours with your wife
Other Youtubers: CLICKBAIT CLICKBAIT DRAMA CLICKBAIT
Jenna Marbles: Here’s a 28-minute tour of my plants.
Me, feeling lethargic and drowsy all day: why is this happening I got so much sleep last night
Me later that evening eating my first proper meal of the day:
3 different uncles at a BBQ
Cool uncle who smells like weed and lives in the woods but the woods are just outside town and he works out at planet fitness
Uncle who you always looked up to until you find out he’s in a cult and is also homophobic but says hes okay with the lifestyle
Moms brother
in school/at work: can’t cope because it’s all too much, too many things craving attention, longing for some sweet alone time
without school/work: can’t cope because no schedule, also Boredom™, if i spend one more minute alone doing nothing i’ll lose it
